Neopolitan Icecream

Rejected and dejected at the Spring/Summer Roadside Fashion Show

HOLY GOD! $$^#(*&#*@*@(@#*#(!

Hooray for the Red, Brown and Blue!

What a day to have a "bad dress day"!

War rations put in place. First on the list: good taste.

Twoface?

Not only does the administration look like the '80s, they now dress like it, too!

Easter isn't for a few weeks

It reminds me of Spumoni ice cream.

Charles, that's not brown. It's light gray and dark gray!

She's going for that "Pleasantville" look.

nano camo demo malf

Must have only sold enough Mary Kay products for half of the outfit.

People didn't dress like that in the 80s.

Isn't the amazon in motley one of the signs of the Apocalypse?

Signs of sabotage!

"Mmm, Strawberry, no, no wait a minute I'll have chocolate, to hell with it, neopolitan"

That's my entry for the caption contest.

Thanks for taking the trouble to make such a great page too, it's very informative.

The left side's shock. the right side's awe.

SHE LOOKS LIKE THE COURT JESTER! Bush is loosing his job!

Freedom Fashion (not from the Haute Couture Coalition)

Joan Rivers where are you now!!??

The newsiest in ParisVirginia fashion?

The recipient of the 2003 Dr. Who Film Festival Tardis Award. The Tardis Award is presented to the festival's Best Dressed attendee.

Oh. My. Gawd!

as a final insult to the french, screw fashon!

Friends don't let friends dress drunk.

Weapons of Mass Destruction??? She's wearing one!!!

Mr Blackwell...paging Mr Blackwell

Can we get a burka for Ms. Clarke?

The Snozberries taste like snozberries!

Psyops project: disorientation of the masses through "fashion" (test #13)

Next: Earth tones...

this was slightly touched upon before, but here's mine:

"Tori Clarke proudly showcases the administration's Neapolitian Complex"

It's the bi-polor oompa-loompa look. ("....I've got another problem for YOU...")

SHOCKingly AWEful.

Striking a balance between femininity and warhawk is always difficult dahling, how about this mischevious little half pink / half khaki number? Ooh, it looks fabulous with your hair, sweetie!

For once, where's Joan Rivers when we need her?

"Shit... I think I left the stove on."

"I have surrended my weapons of mass destruction, and as specified in the articles of surrender, I will also be wearing this wig and outrageous dress during my exile in Bahrain."

ok ok we recind the embargo on french fashon. we have suffered enough.

Tasteless! A reflection of US Policy.

She's got a few shots of Russian Vodka before she dressed up.

I think I saw her in "Austin Powers"

From Alice in Wonderland, it figures.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure

War ambivalence spreads.

Neofascistpolitan.

Sporting the two-tone new Homeland Security Alert suit, Tori warns that the Browncoat Right is full of shit and the Pinko Left is about to get fucked.

OOps, I meant 'Brownshirt'

It looks brown (or tan) on my color-calibrated monitor. But in any case:

Hooray for the Red, Tan, and Blue.

Mommy chose my shoes, but I got to pick my dress!

Ari saw the footage on the news. Her outfit said, "Motel 6 at 8:00 p.m.).
--Ventura County, CA

I thought her outfit was "BOLD" like her administration.

"I Don't Use Cocaine!"

"War keeps me so busy, I can't keep track of my laundry mistakes."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, welcome. Please excuse my outfit. I had too much raspberry yogurt at lunch and some of it poured out my right ear."

"Gotham City is now under the control of the Joker and the Penguin. Batman has been disabled. You are now at our mercy. Bwahahahaha!!!"

a culmination of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

i guess the pink side is don't ask....

The war's first fashion victim!

Voiceover:

"Torie washed the left half of her outfit using ordinary detergent, and the right half in the blood of Iraqi civilians..."

What's the big deal? It looked fine on my black and white TV.

The Axis of Bad Taste

Karen's back, and this poor woman is already caught in the crossfire between Hughes and Rove.

Direct from the Runways of Paris and Kuwait, the Design Houses of Sy Hersh and Richard Perle have buried the hatchet by combinging Commie Pinko Terrorist Chic with Brown Shirt Flair to produce the definitive it look of this Spring's disinformation campaign. Take that Mr. Blackwell.

You guys think that looks hideous? Wait until you see the full thing;

http://home.tampabay.rr.com/sellmic/images/clarke_dont_adjust_your_tv.jpg

Side view; Oh my God!

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/030322/170/3lcs1.html

Do not be alarmed. This is only a test. Do not adjust your TV set. The Department of Homeland Security is working on new color codes for national security alerts.

Sincerely,

Tom Ridge, Director

Shock and Awe

Shock that she'd wear it, Awe at her color blindness.

It's Beverly Hills Camo.

Sorry. Can't type funny caption on keyboard. Spewed 7-up all over it.

S N A F U

Actually, it is kind of a relief after seeing only "Nightscope Green" on the TV for the last few days.........

This is a figment of my imagination - I think?

1. Feeling somewhat responsible for the cancellation of the red carpet at the Oscars, the Defense Dept. rolled out their own whacky fashions for the press and the American public

2. Few realized that 'Shock and Awe' referred to the Pentagon's new dress code, not the bombing campaign.

3. Some Defense Department officials were visibly divided on whether the Iraq invasion would lead to more terrorism.

4. Introducing the new Army camoflage for soldiers entering Baghdad after the bombing.

5. "Hi, I'm Mrs. Rumsfield."

6. "I assure you, the Bush Administration, is not making two-faced statements about the war."

7. "Hi, I'm Mrs. Reynolds."

8. "I'm from the Pentagon, and I'm here to help."

9. The Pentagon broadens the meaning of the word, 'courage.'

10. One Defense Department official was enthusiastic about the memo on recycling. "I'm doing it to support the troops," she said.

"Oh! You said, 'state of the union ADdress!'"

Space 1999 arrived four years late.

Gonna dress you up in my war, all over your body

Today the UN passed Resolution 2092, finding the Pentagon guilty of unleashing a Wardrobe of Macular Destruction on innocent civilians worldwide.

"Pradadidas: Designer jogging suits for every occasion"

More like a "fig newton" of my imagination

"....and for my first violation of the Geneva Conventions..."

Now that is a MOAB: a Mondrian Ocular Accosting Bomb

"Arrrggggghhhhh. I give up!"- Saddam

Proof the terrorists have won...

Having lost the house pool on how many times the network anchors would use the terms "Shock and Awe," Ms. Clarke suffered the consequences of being forced to wear the jester's costume, much to the relief of Secretary Rumsfeld, who came in second to last.

She does, however, get to pick the costume for the next contest, rumoured to be how many Saddam Hussein doubles are captured during the invasion.

In a parallel of the Bush Administration's departure from traditional Republican philosophy, Tori Clarke says goodbye to Pat Nixon's "respectable Republican cloth coat" for something more radical.

Guest starring in the next episode of "What Not To Wear": Victoria Clarke!

"In closing, I'd just like to thank my close friend Katherine Harris for letting me borrow the dress she wore to Barbara Olson's funeral."

Tori Clarke announces her new job as Austin Powers' valet.

Star Trek reject -- beam her up!!!

"Yves Saint Laurent! Christian Dior! Come back! All is forgiven!"

"Trading Dresses" or "While you were OUT"

Side view: "How many calories am I burning?"

She was straight from the Piet Mondrian War Strategy Think Tank, it is now official.

“As Mondrian always said -- say inside the lines, the enemy lines guys. NO more bombing Iran please, Halliburton has enough work already”.

...Pentagon fashions by Krusty the Clown of Beverly Hills.

In a stunning development, scientists at the University of Delaware tracked the sharp decline in the US birth rate to March 22, 2003, when over half the adult male population of the United States suddenly lost all sexual interest in women. At this time, scientists have no explanation.

Oh God...please stop me before I shop again!!

All Your Dresses Are Belong To Us

I feel pretty, oh so pretty
I feel happy and lovely and gay

I can't believe no one has posted this tasteless caption yet (maybe they did... I couldn't read through all 100 posts):

"Ladies and Gentleman, allow me to introduce the Pentagon's fashion consultant, General Ray Charles!"

Tori Clarke's suit, our new "Weapon of Mass Distraction."

Ms. Clarke shows us the "shock" portion of Shock and Awe

Damn someone already took what I was going to say :(

"I regret to inform you that we have just lost contact with Commander Koenig and Moon base Alpha."

Schrodinger's pantsuit

Proudly support our country's color-coded Terrorism Alert System.

You too can purchase this fashion statement representing all the colors of the terror alert rainbow - designed by Ashcroft Fashions (or something like that).

Poker night didn't go well for Ms. Clarke, apparently.

Mother of all fasion disasters.

By any chance is her last name Trafficant?

"Both these jackets were HALF OFF!"

"It's amazing what a hot glue gun and a little imagination will do!"

Proof that we're torturing enemy combatants.

On the plus side...the suit came with a free grind organ and capuchin monkey!

Girls Gone Wild - the Republicans

S-s-s-addam and the Jetssssssss...

What an atrocity. In another outfit this gal would look very doable. Not like that.

Renowned superhero, Metamorpho, the Element Man, joins the war effort.

http://www.toymania.com/news/messages/2018.shtml

Yeoman Rand makes her move on Captain Kirk.

or

Never make a bar bet you can't afford to lose.

The Fashion industry's "Shock and Awe" campaign.

I always wondered what happened to the Partridge Family's bus.

The Pentagon once again demonstrates its audacity.

The love-child of David Bowie and Laurie Anderson, supragenius progenitor of PNAC's imperial strategy, reveals the uniform which all American citizen's will required to wear in public as of 9/11/2003.

"Yes I am Karen Hughes. The Liposuction Worked! But I'm still a tad depresed."

Today I'd like to announce the formation of a new department in the Pentagon, the Office of Total Fashion Unawareness.

Hey, Tori, Kajagoogoo called and they want their clothes back in time for the reunion tour!

Hey, Tori, Kajagoogoo called and they want their clothes back in time for the reunion tour!

(visuals at the link)

Jean-Luc, i cannot tell you how critical this is to the Federation, you being French and all.

Admiral Two-Tone out.

"coloring with chimpy."....."fashion of mass destruction."

1) Fashion Foopah

2) Torie and her Technicolor Blouse

3) She had a little too much Gin with Rummie

4) "I just came back from my jog and they told me I had to go out in my sweatsuit. What could I do?"

5) First embedded journalists, now embedded pastel colours.

6) Shock and Awe Part Deux: Blinded by the blouse

7) "Damn it, this is what happens when we bash the French -- it puts 90 percent of my wardrobe out of commission!"

8) Those Tories never had much fashion sense!

9) "All I need now is makeup from Kat Harris and I'll really look great. Get her on the horn right now commander!"

10) Live from the Pentagon, its SATURDAY NIGHT!

"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Images don't appear to work, so here's a link

"Oooh, I never get to wear that smashing 8-color number!"

All hope for winning the war is now lost, as top Pentagon officials have started going bonkers. Pictured above, Tori Clarke demonstrates the newest tool in the war against "photoshop-doctoring terrorism".

Tori Clarke unveils her own "Weapon of Mass Distraction."

Schlock and Awe.

Somebody beat me to the Partridge Family punchline. That is truly hideous. It was never in style.

Fashion DON'T

Heads.. evil.. tails.. MORE EVIL

Damn it. The new cammies developed for assaulting French pastry shops were supposed to be kept secret until F-Day.

"I'm going to be on global television, what should I wear?"

brings a whole new meaning to the question "pink or brown"

Oompa Loompa....dupa de doo...

1. "Now I've gotta get this press conference over with soon, I've got to host the 'Turquoise Hour' on the Home Shopping Network right after this."

2. This war is brought to you by the 31 wonderful flavors at Baskin-Robbins.

3. "Yes, there's a 50-50 chance that Saddam is still alive, and critically wounded...but I think we know how to finish him off."

4. "Have you heard about the going out of business sale at Kmart?"

5. "Why yes, I am color blind...how could you tell?"

6. "Just remember--sort out all your clothes BEFORE you put them in the washer."

7. "You'd be amazed what you can do with a little bit of construction paper and a bottle of Elmer's glue."

8. "Yes, this war is costing us hundreds of millions of dollars...but we have been able to cut some costs recently."

9. "You'd never believe that this jacket is reversible...if you just turn it inside out you get a...hey, wait a minute."

10. Be sure to get Mattel's new "Pentagon Barbie." She's cut her hair and she drive's the Malibu Tank...GIRL POWER.

United Federation of Planets spokesperson citing Prime Directive as reason for nonintervention policy in US-Iraq conflict

I'm just afraid that Iraqi psyops operatives will disable our troops with laughter by letting them see these pictures.
(Although it was really the above captions that had me laughing so hard I could hardly breath or see)

"But," the UFP spokesperson added, "we'd phaser your imperialist butts if we had our choice."

Is David Bowie the new BBC anchor?

Psyops!

"I made this dress myself with a $600 hammer."

if Rumsfield designs it, you wear it (sigh)

Gotta Getta Gund.

you should see the panties...

Hey! This could'a been a burkha, you know.

obviously she's scizophrenic. she wants to be all war like the boys, but the little bit of feminine in her pops out with that pink. sort of lesbo, sort of gay, sort of pimp. BUT GREY BLUE???

sigh. we are talking poopican, at least she ain't wearing blood red.

Today my Mondrian, tomorrow my Brache, Monday, hmmm...Pollock, Tuesday...Crayons & Rayons

King George II's Court Jester.

Ross - Dress for less - clearance item.

"Now I will stop for questions. Yes, in the front row...with the sunglasses."

"Ms. Clarke, why do you hate America?"

"Due to the high cost of this war, we can no longer afford excess graphic artists. Now demonstrating ready.gov's new 'If Saddam uses WMD, nearby clothes may become partially radioactive' warning, Tori Clarke."

God, you guys are so silly. This is for the new Pentagon commercial: "The softer side of FEARS."

Wild Eyed Boy From Freecloud

1. "Mistakes were made."

2. A Partridge Family Retro.

1) Overheard Iraqi peasant girl, "If that's what Freedom looks like, I'm not sure I want any."

2) The map new Federated Republic of IraqExxonKurdishShiaIslamabad.

Or... 3) Trust us, we're from the future.

She looks like a pimp with that jacket.

I'M TOTALLY COLORBLIND!!

"Let's dance.
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues."

Her outfit was a code to high-ranking officers out in the field.

Why can't these Republicans ever be satisfied? First, there was Reagan's War On (some) Drugs ... Then there are the Bushes two wars with Iraq. Now this ... This horrible, senseless and inhuman War On Fashion. Hasn't there been enough bloodshed? Haven't enough people been hurt already. *Must* the horror continue?

While the suit looks like it is from the Crayola Dress-Like-A-Dipshit catalog ... Tori appears to be having more of those inconvenient "Top or Bottom" issues.

(sung by Bon Jovi)

"You give fashion a bad name!"

"The title of my lecture is European Modernist Painting: Cubism, Futurism, Neo-Plasticism, and to illustrate..."

I'm here to announce that we just sent one of those mean-assed bouncing balls out after Number Six on the orders of Number One. The operation is under the supervision of Number Two. The citizens of The Village can rest assured that we WILL have information; by hook or by crook, we will...

"The title of my lecture is The Dadaist Spirit in 21st Century Military Thought: A Re-evaluation, and to illustrate..."

Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Farm Team.

Military Chic : The first dress fabric in Admiralty Disruption #33

This outfit comes in mighty handy at those late night office Twister sessions with General Franks.

"People of Earth! The path you are on is madness! Those of my world once hated and feared the 'others', those who were pink on the right, and grey on the left, but no longer. . ."

or, how about

"The fashion police were on the scene in minutes. She was pulled into a tasteful black van, sedated and wrapped in little black number from Dior for 4 hours. . ."

It's her tribute to Lileks.

Cover that up! - John Ashcroft

But they didn't understand it
And I tried to make them see
That one is only poor
Only if they choose to be
Now I know we had no money
But I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

Sadam Hussein did this to me and he is planning on doing this to your children too!

This is what happens when you base your wardrobe on Windows color schemes.

See what happens when you piss off your Stylist.

Or

But it worked for the Addy's!

The new Number Six, I presume?

If there are rumblings in Southern California today, it won't be an earthquake, it'll be the deceased movie fashion designers all turning over in their graves.
The court jesters of old had better fashion sense.

This outfit was from the same designer who put the tutu and ribboned legs on Lara Flynn Boyle at a recent awards show.
(I think that outfit was since burned in the incinerator.)
Well, at least it directs one's attention AWAY from Clarke's face...and maybe that's the idea.

Aaaagh! She's a "walking birth-control device"!!

let me guess....the light bulb in Clarke's closet is burnt out, and it's really a leftover outfit from Halloween.
Either that or she lost an election bet...big time!

Administration officials demonstrated the wearable Terror Alert Level Suit Jacket today, perfect for the security-minded businessman...

OOOPS!

Civil Servants on Saturday Mornings -- not for public consumption...

Pentagon responds to charges that it committed atrocities that offended the world's sensibilities.

Friends don't let friends dress drunk!

q: Do I look too 'Conservative' in this?

ands:No dear, the Iraqis will love it. It's so ...liberating.

Must've had the 'Shit! I can't find decent to wear; I'll just wear this! blues. Yep - I also thot Neopolitan!

Well they fixed the vertical hold but now the tint is all screwed up.

"Does anyone have a question on a subject other than the Partridge Family's wardrobe?"

The fashion theme introduced to mark the New American Century is Harlequin.

I always suspected dogs were colorblind. . .

Satan and her Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!

Clear Geneva Fashion Convention Violation!!

"I'd like to thank the Academy..."

"Intelligence sources indicate that Saddam may be holed up in a Mark Rothko exhibition. This new camouflage will render our Special Forces virtually undetectable."

A Starship Troopers Air Marshal

What...This? Laura Bush let me borrow it!

so far,

Satan and her Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!

and

"Intelligence sources indicate that Saddam may be holed up in a Mark Rothko exhibition. This new camouflage will render our Special Forces virtually undetectable."

are neck and neck for first place.

She really does look like a moldy spumoni, but that's not as funny.

Learned how to dress from McGyver. It's amazing what you can do with construction paper and electical tape!

The first casualty of war is fashion sense.

Shock and Awful
or
Hey lady, the artist formally know as Prince called, he says he changed his name back Prince and he wants his jacket back.
or
You piss off the French and next the thing you know their sending you their Fall 1983 reject line.
or
This is the last time I'll answer that question, Yes I was not high or drunk when I put on this jacket.

whoa...I am so high...do you have anything to eat...dude where is my car?

"The Partridge Family called - they wan't their bus back."

this delightful ensemble really goes well with her face.

No semen stains to be found on this dress.

Jacket by Two-Face.

Hate to ask the obvious, but did anyone turn off the lights and see if that thing glows?

A good reminder to always separate the whites from the brights!

Cosmopolitan...or Neopolitan?

Hey, don't make fun of her just because she's colourblind! ;-)

Here we have Arlecchino, however, only very rarely do we see the themes of war and tyranny in Commedia dell'Arte.

or

Once again, we are reminded of the early nineties.

The World is Black
The world is white
I bombed by day and
Dressed by night.

She can dance if she wants to.
She can leave your friends behind.

Gives a whole new meaning to the term "flak jacket".

War ends as Iraqi soldiers tearfully surrender, beg for mercy when Pentagon unveils new POW uniforms.

Fashion of Mass Confusion

"Sock it to me!" -

(Anyone who's seen "Laugh-In" should get that one.)

"Sock it to me!" -

(Anyone who's seen "Laugh-In" should get that one.)

I guess we now know where Afghanistan's heroin has gone.

Tom Ridge announces all-new Terror Alert color scheme; JCPenny responds with new line of color-coded "Terrorwear". Jaclyn Smith denies comment.

As a protest against the American attack on Iraq, Ms. Clarke's French clothing designers replaced her Haute Couture with La Merde du Jour.

And now as a courtesy to you the viewer, we present the White House television test pattern.

Why We Fight!

or:

Color vision is the first casualty of war.

Move over Beau Brummell

Presenting the 2003 women's fashion line................................................In the new color: TECHNICOLOR RAINBOW!!!!

Torie Clark reacts angrily to criticism she is a leftist-pinko

Dude...should have stayed away from the brown acid.

The latest US Military fashion made from the torn garments of dead Iraqi children (but we don't really know if it was our bomb or not.....)

Let This Be Your Last Battlefield (she even looks like Frank Gorshin)

Tom Ridge told me to wear it, ain't he kinky? (giggle)

High alert I point to my left shoulder. Severe, I point to my right shoulder.(giggle)

"Danger WIll Robinson, Danger!"

EXACTLY what to wear when you don't want people to remember what you said!

Brought to you by the same person who coordinated our diplomatic approach to the Iraq crisis.

The prototype uniform for the new Star Trek series, "Enterprise."

Rummy's strategy skills, Powel's diplomatic abilities and Clarke's fashion sense...

Holy Mother of Pearl ... it's a trifecta!

"looks like she was dressed by a color-blind circus clown."
(Mr Blackwell)

Today she was wearing a hot pink vest ... a nice contrast to those oh so dreary scenes of black smoke in Bahgdad!

She's like that totally Miami-vice guy who wears those weird pastel jackets, she's being like so totally contempo by not scrunching the sleeves up to her elbows.(Cuz that would be a little played out and too corny) She should totally be wearing like white pumps with a 1" heel with this ensemble. Radical!

Please don't touch me today, Donald.

She looks marvellous - and she certainly got some attention. Well done that designer, and well done that lady for wearing it

She's obviously color blind but doesn't she have friends?

Sadly her protocol officer was never heard from again.

At last! A fashion line from Playdoh!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's sister,
Dr. Lame and Mrs. Contrived.

The only woman in government that
actually wears the litmus test for
public opinion.